Take a Break From the Battle to Stay Dry ; Parenting with Supermam

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Supermam says... QMY daughter is three-and-a-half and she is still not potty trained. I have a place for her in nursery but they said she can't start in September unless she is dry. I have tried everything and am at the end of my tether. It just makes me very angry that she refuses to co-operate and I only have a few weeks left before the term starts. What can I do? ATHE magic trick with potty training is that it does (eventually!) work for every child at some stage. Some parents are lucky to conquer potty training early while others seem to struggle and battle forever. It can be a very stressful time for everyone involved and totally disheartening when you feel you have tried every trick in the book. The truth is, you are probably trying too hard and putting too much emphasis and pressure on your daughter. Try not to think of it as having a deadline, because that puts both you and her under a tremendous amount of pressure. Perhaps you could both do with a well earned break for a week or two. It is more than likely your daughter is picking up on your tension and anger around the entire toilet issue and you both may need to start the whole task with a fresh, less stressful approach. Have you tried speaking to your health visitor about your problem? They are the potty training experts and will have a whole range of tips, advice and support they can give you. Have a week or two off the entire toilet training task, try not to think or talk about it unless your daughter is continuing to show an interest. By all means leave the potty, toilet stool and toilet seat out for her if she chooses to use them, but don't talk about it or remind her to go. Give her the option on the morning to wear pants or nappy (or pull-ups) so that she is still involved in the choices. If she chooses the pants and continues to have accidents try not to react or show any disappointment. Once you are both ready, give the potty training another go. Try to spend a good few days in the house where you can allow your daughter to run around with little clothes on to lessen any barriers. Perhaps you could use a star chart for rewards. Star charts are a great way of really getting your child involved, firstly by designing, decorating and making the chart and then by seeing the regular rewards through the stickers. Put the chart up somewhere she can see all the time, it is pointless putting it up in the bathroom if she never goes in there. Don't get stressed or angry and just keep trying, you will both get there eventually but it may take a little more time.

Michelle says... MICHELLE Povey lives in Acklam, Middlesbrough, with her husband Craig and children, Bradley, seven, and Erin, four. "ALL children will potty train at different ages and some take longer to grasp the concept. "The first thing I would say is that if you are getting angry or agitated then it may be having an effect on your daughter's progress and she will pick up on this. "If she refuses to co-operate it maybe because you are getting angry or because she is getting a reaction, a type of attention-seeking, try to ignore any accidents and not get cross. Try to stay calm and be patient. "The nursery I'm sure will have had experiences where children are not fully potty trained on arrival in September and should be able to accommodate this to a degree as three-and-a-half is still young. "However, the key here is to communicate with the nursery about the stage your daughter is at once she starts. Also remember once she is mixing with children her own age and she sees them using the toilet she will be likely to copy, as youngsters will copy their peer group. "At home, in the meantime, start with a reward chart with stickers as children love these. Make it fun, when she goes on the toilet reward her with a sticker, and explain that at the end of the week if she fills her chart with stickers then she will get a treat (it need only be small) but children will react positively to this. "Use one of her dolls or a favourite toy on a potty so she sees it as fun, whilst she is using the toilet. "One day she will grasp this and you won't look back, but the key is to reward her when she does well and persevere, don't feel pressured because of what the nursery have said regarding her placement. Good luck."

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Take a Break From the Battle to Stay Dry ; Parenting with Supermam

Allison says... ALLISON MacKINNON, lives in Middlesbrough, with her husband Tony, and daughters, Lauren,...

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